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One Hundred Thirty Pounds Ago,

I shed my shell and Got My Wings!

Monday, February 21, 2005

Bahama Mama



I had the most incredible weekend in San Francisco with Ruben! He planned a romantic getaway for us to celebrate our engagement. Actually, when he was talking about this trip weeks ago I had convinced myself that because he was trying to make it so special that this was when we would propose, little did I know the real plan and that this was only a celebration of me accepting his proposal! But, I somewhat ruined our most romantic night, completely on accident. A Bahama Mama knocked me on my ass! Before I get too far into this story, let me explain shortly how alcohol affects Weight Loss Surgery patients. Right after surgery my new stomach was about the size of men's thumb. Now, at nine months out I can hold about 4-5 ounces of food. In addition to a new stomach, my intestines have been re-routed. Because of all this, Gastric Bypass under goers are very cheap dates when it comes to alcohol! With our stomachs so small, and our new intestines, beverages go through us and into our bloodstream much faster than normally. Therefore, we feel the effects of drinking quite quickly, and at the same time it also goes through us at almost the same rate so we sober up more quickly as well (which is good for some occasions if you want to start drinking all over again, but not at all something that should be taken advantage of.) Now that you have this information, you should also know that I very rarely drink in the first place, maybe 3-4 times a year at special occasions and it's never to get drunk. But!!!! Sunday evening Ruben reserved a setting for us in Union Square at a restaurant called First Crush. It was beautiful and elegant and the food was incredible, melt in your mouth quality. Back at the room were candles and chocolate covered strawberries awaiting our arrival and wanting to make our night only oooohhhh so more perfect!

Ruben felt bad that I had taken so long getting ready for our evening for it to only last the hour of our dinner, so on our way back to the room we stopped at the hotel lobby for after dinner drinks and dessert. He had a coke and cheesecake and I had a Bahama Mama! I felt fine while in the lobby, and on the way to the elevator and up the elevator and all the way into the room. I sat on the edge of the bed to take off my shoes and remember Ruben telling me he was going to use the restroom. That's it! Hours later, board and lonely, after a movie and reading a while, Ruben woke me up. He said I was passed out when he stepped out of the restroom and that I had looked so pretty and peaceful in my formal dress that he didn't have a heart to wake me. I felt awful. It was comical to him, but I couldn't help but feel awful.

For anyone without my impaired system, I do recommend this drink! It has a wonderful splash of coconut and is very refreshing, but watch out, it does sneak up you!

Got My Wings at 8:47 PM

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Tuesday, February 15, 2005

My Prince



One week ago Ruben swept me off my feet when he asked me to take his hand in marriage. It was the sweetest, most perfect proposal I could have ever dreamed of. All my friends and family were there! My parents cried, but the best part was my first hug afterward with my father. He wrapped his arms around me so tightly, his little girl - a newly engaged woman. I whispered into his ear, "Did he ask you first, Daddy?" He tightened his grip around me and said, "Yes Meg, he did it all right. Congratulations, I know he'll make you very happy." And he will, I know it. More than anything in the world, do you know how to tell when you're with 'The One'? I didn't truly know until that night. I mean, I've known that I love him for a very long time, and I've known I want to spend my life with him for two years now; but, it wasn't until that one moment that any sliver of doubt disappeared. Have you ever seen in the movies when two people are so into one another that the entire world going on around then just disappears? Forces of Nature comes to mind with Sandra Bullock and Ben Affleck. There is a scene in the end when Ben reunites with his fiancé on their wedding day after almost not showing up. They are in a hurricane, all the guests are scurrying for safety and the props are being blown away and for the most perfect moment there is nothing in the world that could distract them from the hold on one another's eyes. There is a bubble around them. The wind isn't even blowing their hair out of place, while entire bodies are being blown everywhere around them. Each others voices are the only things they can hear and each others eyes are the only things they can see. They are shielded from the rain, safe and happy. This happened to me. Things in the movies never happen in real life, but this happened to me.


Ruben got up in front of 100 people to read a poem written for me, at the end of the poem a familiar song began to play, "Come Rain or Shine" by Billy Holiday. I remember the song coming on, but it faded quickly. Ruben called me to the stage where, he knelt on one knee and offered me his heart, in a silver heart shaped box. It wasn't until we finished hugging and kissing that I realized we were in the middle of a standing ovation and the song was still playing overhead. The following day I watched the video tape my mother had recorded, it wasn't until then I realized that the song never in fact faded and the audience had been clapping and hollering long before I ever 'came to'. I was in a bubble with the whole world going around me and I didn't even know it. Ruben was my whole world!

Today Ruben got a call from his Liver Specialist. Tomorrow will be more blood work, and then a decision will be made as to weather or not he needs another ERCP to help clear his bile ducts so his liver can function longer. It’s been well over a year since his last one, which is good in the since that some PSC patients have this done every 6 months, but the last one was actually the one that diagnosed him. This will also be able to give the doctor an idea of how the disease is progressing. Ruben is scared. The last thing he wants right now is more bad news. He wants to get through our wedding and have a life together. He doesn’t want to be sick any more. It kills me inside when I have to hold him while his eyes begin to weep and tell him everything is going to be okay. I don’t know that. The only thing that keeps me thinking that is the hope that God won’t take this person away from me too. He’s taken every one else I really loved. My best friend, my favorite uncle, my grandma and grandpa. All the significant people I’ve ever wanted at my wedding day, and now he wants to take the man I’m supposed to wed! What kind of God does that? We’re supposed to spend the rest of our lives together, but what if the rest of Ruben’s is only a few more years? What have I ever done to deserve going through so much pain and always having to come out of everything as the strong one? I’ve always been spiritual and a believer, uplifting and positive. I’m one of the most optimistic people you’ll ever meet, mostly because it’s the only way I really know how to deal with things, but I’m finding it hard to stay this way more and more lately. No matter what though, I will remain strong for Ruben. If his ‘till death do us part’ is that much shorter than mine, I will be by his side all of the way. I know I’m signing on for that possibility by accepting his proposal and becoming his wife. There’s also a chance he will get a transplant and live much longer than myself. And I’m ok with either, I’ve done a lot of thinking about it and I’m at peace with it. Marriage is “for better or worse, and in sickness and health,” and I want more than anything to be his wife. If the time comes when he does get really sick, I want to know I’m taking care of and standing by my husband. But, that doesn’t mean I have to like God for it all the time.

This is Megan, signing off………..

Got My Wings at 9:31 PM

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