One Hundred Thirty Pounds Ago,

I shed my shell and Got My Wings!

Friday, August 12, 2005

Life Just Keeps Going

Well, I stopped posting again because after I changed my blog template quite a few of my new posts just disappeared (and they were one's I really wanted to save), so I got a little discouraged. But, I've felt the urge to write lately and figure this is the best place to do it.

When it rains, it pours...doesn't it?!? I'm trying to complete school so Ruben and I can move and start our lives. After my parent's party took a huge toll on us, I thought things would go back to normal. But, I had to cut my work hours to take a summer school class and for the last two months I've average bringing home about $700.00 per month. Our portion of rent is $400.00, so I've had $300.00 to cover gas, food, a car payment, credit card bills and utilities. Being that the car alone is $150.00 of that $300.00 and I have to be able to feed us and have gas to get the job that pays me that little amount, all of my bills have been going unpaid. We have credit collectors calling daily and they are driving poor Ruben insane while he tries to rest every day, and we just got a pink slip threatening to shut off our water and sewage service. Plus, Ruben's insurance just stopped giving us any financial aid for being low-income. Last week one trip to the doctor's office cost us $80.00 in co-pays, and a test he is having next week will be another $50.00. On top of that, the $80.00 last week got us to the conclusion that Ruben's cancer may be out of remission and tests are now beginning. Liver testing isn't doing too great either, so he's scheduled for two procedures next week with his gastro-interoligist. If his cancer is back, his chances of ever qualifying for a liver transplant go to zilch.

I haven't had blood work done since my surgery. I tried to at first, but my surgeons office kept canceling and rescheduling my appointments while they were merging with another doctor. Now that they want to get me in and promise to follow through, I can't afford to take off work. Ruben is getting worried about my health. I'm 16 pounds from my surgeon’s goal and I haven't lost weight in months. Actually, I've gained a few pounds, and that scares me. Between summer school and work I've been averaging about 3 hours of sleep every night for weeks. And while my dad's cancer is gone, he's now been diagnosed a Diabetic. Don't get me wrong, I'd take that over cancer. And while they were benign, my mother just had several lumps removed from her breasts. This isn't the first time. One time, someday, they'll be malignant. I just know it. Ruben's mom keeps having seizures and now has an appointment this month at UCSF for testing or something. I'm trying so hard to be strong, but it's killing me not to be able to fall apart.

Got My Wings at 2:59 PM



at 8:31 PM Anonymous Anonymous said...

You sound like you are at your wits' end this time. I hear pain and panic in your "voice" and wonder how long you can keep up being a rock! If you could reach out to family, would you? If not, what holds you back? I'm praying for you and for Rueben. I won't try to fix this (although everything in me wants to), but I will keep you in my heart and mind. You are loved by me and by God!!! It is okay not to be strong! .....AB

at 10:14 AM Blogger Zette said...

Oh man, it sure does pour down hard when you can least afford it, mentally, physically or financially. I can totally relate and hope you can get some help from somewhere, really soon. Until then, I'll be keeping you and Ruben in my thoughts and prayers.

Have you tried calling around to see if any local charities can offer some aid with the bills and food? It's not an easy thing to ask for, but there are places who can help you if only you ask and are willing to set your pride aside for now. You really need the break and I'm sure they'd be happy to assist you. It's a hand up, not a hand out.

Keep smiling; it'll be ok soon. Big Hugs for you both!

at 8:52 PM Blogger Ruben said...

We will be fine Meg. We always have. We always will be. I love you angel and we will make it all work.


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